Oh, the wonderful word is.....fear

We all have fear. What, not you, I call BS. We are all scared of something. We fear loss; we fear the responsibility of being the victor. We fear being left out or the fear of being accepted once let in. We fear asking the hot girl out on a date, heck, we fear asking most girls out on a date. She may say no or she might say yes. We fear not being loved and we fear the commitment that comes with being in love. We fear the work we have done will not be enough and even when we know we have done enough we fear we are not good enough to do it well. We fear the good and fear the bad. Why then do we go on? Some of us don’t. We allow the fear to hold us back from any chance of breaking free. Whether it is a workout, interview, date, new car, new sport, or a new state we are bound by our fear. We see some out there who appear to have mastered the fear and accomplish the tasks and dreams we only imagine in the far recesses of our mind. Ask those people why and how they did it and they will tell you they were scared not to. They had to because the fear of not doing it was pushing them harder than the fear of not pursuing the great task. Ask a woman why she changes outfits so many times before she goes out. She will answer that nothing looks right. It is not only you she must impress, but all the invisible eyes that may be watching her while out. Ask a guy at happy hour why he comes to drink the afternoon away and he will tell you he needs to unwind after a hard day at the office. More than likely he is fearful of facing the real world waiting as his doormat. Fear is our thermometer. Some people just run a lot hotter than others. That being said, some of us have different levels of fear. For example, I will take my motorcycle through the woods inches from trees and think nothing of it. Pros will go even faster, actually even bouncing off the trees and I watch and think they are crazy. I fear hitting those trees but I am willing to take that risk. Ask me to get on a Ferris wheel or roller coaster and I could possibly turn green. Bungee jumping, skydiving, and slingshots are even higher on that list. I want control. I fear not being able to control what I am doing. They did a research project on race car drivers. Their heart rates spiked when they came in for pit stops. Not during the start, during the race, or even during a crash. This happened because at the time they came in for the stops they lost all control of what was going on. They feared not being in control. Their thermometers run pretty damn hot. Fear is not a bad thing. Fear just determines what we find important and what we are willing to risk. Is it embarrassment, failure, being fat, succeeding beyond our wildest dreams and the responsibility that goes along with it, or is it realizing your thoughts aren’t taking you where you think you deserve to be. Fear is a harness and it is up to you to determine if you say giddy-up or whoa. The whole point of this little exercise tonight is to say I live in a state of fear. One of them is not pursuing the things I want because I am not good enough. Well, I’m overweight, yes I am, and no I don’t wear it well. 200 pounds as of today’s weighing. I have been following Crossfit Endurance and began doing it again today. I will be doing this series of workouts from today until July 29. At that time I will be competing in the Scenic 17 Sprint Triathlon. In between, Michelle and I will be competing at Dirty Foot in a 5 mile obstacle course run. My ultimate goal isn’t a weight goal but a look goal. I want to look like I deserve to have my shirt off and not scare small mammals. Today’s workout was front squats and bar facing burpees. It was a 5-4-3-2-1. I was able to do 65 lb front squats and all the burpees. Later today I completed 10 x 100m sprints with 50 seconds rest. To make them more interesting I did them in the sand behind my house. It’s a start and I am fearful. I now must succeed simply since the fear is pushing me. Fat and pale isn’t how I want to be remembered. Fear, use it or it will use you.